You may have noticed that I have been super quiet on the blog this last year. Occasionally blogging, sometimes posting on Instagram and showing up for my monthly meditation offerings with the Diabetes Sangha. In general, though I’m having a “break” from the advocacy aspect of living with diabetes. This past year has been one of big physical transition. We moved countries, I came out of my hermit phase and started teaching in person groups, workshops and retreats plus working in the detox space and respite care. Being up close and personal with human beings again has been beyond rewarding. I am even more convinced in the power of yoga, breathing and meditation to transform lives.
Being up close and personal with my diabetes management amidst all this movement and change has been an uber challenge. I’ve had months of highs after contracting Covid and some pretty hairy lows which have been completely out of left field. Managing my life out in the world and my diabetes has been intense. I haven’t felt like talking about it.
What I have had is great support from my team. I work with a diabetes educator, diabetes dietician and a diabetes psychologist. These three arms of support have helped me gain perspective. Even if everything has felt out of my control, the solid tools I’ve received over the last few years have stood in good stead. Overall, I am less anxious, more proactive with dosing and more accepting of out of range numbers.
I’ve been officially living with diabetes now for 15 years. The last 5 years being on a full Basal/ Bolus regime. No one can prepare you for the challenges of this condition, it not just the routine of taking insulin and counting carbs it’s that the body always in flux has its own rhythm that ultimately, we can’t even begin to fathom.
Everything science does in relationship to the body is to try to explain what it does. But what I’ve come to understand through my study of the deeper aspects of yoga is no one ACTUALLY knows what the body does or is capable of. We are born into a body, but we have no idea how it works and what is keeping us alive. Yes, the heart pumps, the lungs breathe but what MAKES the heart pump and the lungs breathe? What is it that makes us conscious and conscious of being conscious. The big question being… what is consciousness?
When I get all caught up in the frustration of taking 3.5 units for 72 carbs and it all misfires and I’m like …WHY? I feel better equipped knowing even the biggest questions we have as human beings are unanswerable.
So, living in that space of “I don’t know” with my diabetes management, while at the same time doing my best to manage it has become my daily practice.
As I come up to my 15th Diaversary and World Diabetes Day, I am grateful to be alive, to be able to keep learning and growing and to share with others the beauty and power of yoga.
With great respect…
Rachel
